It's Exactly What You Need to Hear

What do you wish someone would say to you? 

If someone could say exactly the right thing to you - something that would make you feel like you were alright - what would it be? 

Maybe you need to hear that things are going to get so much better even though you can't see how right now. 

Or that someone sees how hard you're trying and that you're doing the best you can. You just want someone to tell you you're doing a great job. 

Maybe you need to hear that your butt looks amazing in those jeans. Because there's never a day when that wouldn't make me a happy camper.

Or maybe you need to hear that no one is coming fix this shit, so you have to stop wasting energy whining and redirect that towards making it happen for yourself (ahem, maybe that's what I need to hear). 

What if you got a note next week with that very message?

You can. And you don't have to hire a psychic and a time traveling Sassenach to get it done. 

The website, FutureMe, exists so that you can write yourself an email and schedule it to be delivered to yourself in the future. It's one of my favorite self-care tools. 

I just wrote 2019 Jessica a letter and here's a short version what I’m saying to myself one year from now: Thank you for taking us to the next level. You worked through the old stories, you got out of your own way, you asked for lots of help, and you made it happen henny.

I’m saying that to November 2019 Jessica because I’m about to make some big investments and changes in how I run my business and it FREAKS ME THE EFF OUT. 

So, I sent an email full of gratitude and encouragement to myself. One year from now, when I’ll be in the thick of whatever I’m about to unleash in my life, I know I'll need some thanks and a hug. 

Writing to yourself may sound silly, but trust me – I’ve been doing this on and off for years - you’ll forget what you wrote and the email will come as a surprise message of compassionate wisdom, just when you need it most.

What does your 2019 self need to hear?

Here are a few ways you can use this tool:

• Write yourself monthly emails with your self-care plan. Thank your future self for putting in the effort to learn how to set healthy boundaries, so you have time for that self-care. 
• Write a pep talk letter and schedule it to arrive on a day you anticipate will be challenging. Like the first day of a dog training class you’re afraid of going to with your reactive dog. Or a difficult anniversary of the death of a pet. Or the morning you’re about to give a big presentation at work. Or Thanksgiving dinner with your politically divided family.
• Write yourself a caring letter of encouragement, like I just did, to be read on any random day in the future. You might be surprised at how good it feels to hear kind words, even when they’re your own.
• Write a gratitude list, to be read one year from now, with a list of everything you’re grateful for in your life today. New Thanksgiving tradition alert!

All you have to do is think about what Future You might need to hear and say it.

Want to give this a try?

1. Write yourself a letter of encouragement. Carve out some time to write it this week.
2. Schedule the email to arrive one year from now in November 2019.
3. If you’re feeling curious, write another note and schedule it to arrive 2 months from now in January, so you can get a taste of how surprisingly awesome it is to write to yourself. 

If you’re skeptical about the power of talking to yourself, check this out: We spend 47% of our lives lost in our thoughts.

Half our lives! We’re always a little lost in conversation with ourselves and, let’s be honest, it’s usually the inner critic that we’re talking with right?

In can be hard to take time out to notice all the things were grateful for in our everyday lives. It can be hard to grab that one positive thought out of a sea of negatives. It can be hard to give ourselves some grace. 

Research shows that we need a ratio of five positive comments or events to outweigh a single negative comment. Considering all the negative stuff we’re chewing on in our minds, we really can help ourselves by talking to ourselves with kindness. 

We don’t have to wait for anyone else to do it.

So what do you say? This is practical way to add some self-compassion into your day and your future. Give yourself the pep talk, the thank you, and the appreciation that you totally deserve but don’t always get from the outside world. 

If you give this a try, will you hit reply and tell me how it went?